4 Things to Consider in Choosing a Therapist

Just like with any relationship, finding the right therapist is important, but it can also be a daunting process! A good fit in a therapeutic relationship can be a game changer, and if you’re new to therapy it can be confusing to know what you should consider. Here are some qualities to be aware of in your current and/or future therapist:

1.     Comfort/Safety/Connection: For us at Resilient Roots Psychology, we consider this to be the biggest indicator of a strong and successful relationship. You want a safe and judgment-free zone when you’re sharing vulnerable and deep emotions/experiences. Even though it sounds simple, and many clients minimize this sign, it tends to be an intuitive or unconscious feeling. For example, you might feel that it was easy speaking with the therapist or you opened up about your feelings/experiences more than you anticipated you would. An effective therapeutic relationship is a prerequisite to build the foundation for your therapeutic journey. If you feel like you can be yourself without worrying about criticism or feeling ashamed, you likely have a therapist who has successfully created a safe space for you.

2.     Specialty/Background: This is usually the most recognized sign as clients, rightly so, want to ensure their therapist has experience treating their problem. Most therapists are well versed in helping clients through some of the common presenting issues (depression, anxiety, interpersonal issues), but you might still want to read their biography to learn more about their background and style. If you have complex trauma, you might want someone who has training in that area, or if you need help processing cultural issues and a lack of belonging, a therapist who is familiar with that type of experience would be more effective. Therapists have different styles in which they approach and structure their therapy sessions and this is typically guided by how they conceptualize/understand the root cause of a problem. Probably one of the most well-known orientations is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses more on your present thoughts, behaviors, and emotions while psychodynamic therapy examines how your past experiences and relationships affect you in the present. Based on the therapist and their style, the sessions would range from highly structured (having an agenda, divided time for certain tasks/topics) to loosely structured (flexible and no time limitation on a topic). It is important to note there isn’t a right or a wrong answer for the style and structure you prefer in therapy. Additionally, you want to evaluate whether you want a therapist from a specific background (race/culture, gender identity, sexual orientation...), as it can play a role in how comfortable and open you are.

3.    Collaboration/Guiding: One of the biggest misconceptions we hear from clients starting therapy is “The therapist will tell me what to do.” We understand where this belief comes from i.e., media misrepresentation, feeling hopeless, wanting direction, but believe it or not, therapists aren’t magicians and we don’t have all the answers! We see each of our clients as individuals with unique experiences and we want to help clients find their unique solution. Sure, people who feel depressed or anxious might have certain things in common, but the root cause or how symptoms appear might be different. It might seem easy if a therapist tells you, “just do X for two weeks and you’ll feel better,” but what happens when you’re feeling depressed/anxious again a year from now? Therapists want to help you feel confident so you have the tools to deal with new situations, and that can’t happen if we simply give you answers each time. Instead, we guide you to examine the outcome of different options, choices, and alternatives to find the right solution for you. In this process, clients are active participants and we collaborate to ensure that everything discussed feels right.

4.    Boundaries: This might seem like an odd one, but this is one of the characteristics that make a therapeutic relationship so special! Imagine when you’re catching up with your friend, you both would (hopefully) share updates on your lives making it a two-way relationship. In therapy, you are the focus of the session and you might not know much about your therapist or what’s happening in his or her life. Although this can be weird and even uncomfortable at first, it’s absolutely normal. Therapists have varying degrees of self-disclosure they are comfortable with and are mindful of what they are sharing to ensure it’s relevant and appropriate for the client. If you are curious about your therapist, you may or may not receive an answer, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. Another boundary you might see through your journey is in the practice policies, such as the session length, late-cancellation/no show fees, and communication outside of sessions. These boundaries are there to provide consistency and clear expectations of the relationship, as that might not exist in other relationships. Being aware of the boundaries of the relationship allows you to have more mental space to focus on everything else. This can also be a great way for a therapist to model setting and maintaining boundaries, as it’s a common struggle for clients, too.

Your relationship and experience with your therapist is one of the most crucial aspects of your journey, so you want to ensure you have a solid foundation. When there’s a strong connection, you can address issues despite feeling scared or nervous. A good rule of thumb is to trust your feelings and instincts! If you are ready to take the next step, we are currently providing virtual/tele-health therapy to residents of California. I offer a free 10-minute phone consultation to determine if we’re a good fit and can be reached at ResilientRootsPsychology@gmail.com or by filling out the contact form to schedule the consultation.

Dr. Anuja Patel